Struggling

I am really struggling right now....I am seriously anxious, quick to get upset, I feel like I am all over the place mentally. I am sure that some of this stems from the stress of JP's issues, and that's another post all in it self! And the loss of my poor Nancy, again, a post into of itself! But if I am truly honest with myself, it's been going on for quite sometime. It's this painful tingly sensation that seems to start in my chest and radiate all the way down my legs and arms. I don't really know how to describe it. Sometimes I think I would be better off just walking away, just going somewhere and checking myself in...I don't think about hurting myself or the kids, just wanting to sleep and not wake up is more accurate, but again, there is NO thoughts as to How that would happen..just wishful thinking I guess...Things are super bad/hard with Sam right now....I know that he's stressed at work, I guess I am just over being his verbal punching bag...He seriously hurts my feelings and I feel like he just doesn't care.  It  feels like deja vu with my childhood all over again..no matter what I do, it's not enough, good enough, whatever...I hurt all the time. I would rather take physical pain over this any day of the week..bruises fade and heal, they can be covered and explained..there is nothing that takes away the pain with this....just silent tears that fall when I can steal a moment away....